Sunday, November 16, 2014

Whiny Crayons

So, THIS BLOG: it has been neglected. I've been busy having a midlife crisiiiiiiis, as one does when one is 21. My midlife crisis involves being annoyed at everything and reading lots of books and eating this amazing candy that you can only get in Germany called Lachgummi (they are so amazing, oh mah wrrd). It also means I'm only going to live until I'm 42, if I do the math? (Which. . . if I keep eating these Lachgummis seems reasonable.) I told my mom about my projected lifespan and she was like:

Anyway. I'm not going to go into detail, because I feel like everyone would be like "Shut ahhhhhp, you whiny crayon", but I'll explain a tiny bit:

2014 has been really busy.

The German editions of my books came out in Europe. I did thirty-billion interviews (I don't know if this is an exaggeration. I have entire boxes of newspaper articles), dozens of readings, was invited to the big book fairs, did talkshows and radio shows, and I had done most of these things in the US already, sometimes on a much larger scale, but they were wayyyyyy less stressy there for reasons that would fill like three more blog posts.

And the thing is, actually talking about anything negative that went along with these things will come across as really ungrateful, which I get. But I think you can be grateful for parts of things, and really not like other parts at the same time.

I do so appreciate readers. I appreciate publishers and promoters and media people who write articles about books. Most of all I appreciate people who love to read.

I do not appreciate curiosity-seekers, self-serious literary types who don't think fantasy is a legitimate genre, random strangers who come up to you and tell you they think you should dress differently / talk differently / not talk, random strangers who think your weird-fairytale-MG-books are basically a biography of your life (this kind of makes me want to slap people; it's like saying "Hey, were you starving Victorian waif growing up who never left your house until a faery-infested lady in a plum-colored dress stole the friend you've never actually talked to from across the street?" Just, no.), random strangers who ask you if your books are written by ghostwriters or your helicopter parents, or if you're actually a fake person invented by your publishers. (That would save me thousands of hours of work and anxiety, so ghostwriters, if you're reading this, come write this book for me, ja? Also, my parents are pretty much the exact opposite of helicopter parents.)

Anyway, to sum things up, I did everything under the sun that was asked of me despite rrrrreally not enjoying some of it, and while there have been some really-really-really great stuff and I think everything was a good experience in the long run, there have also been some lame stuff and now I'm just tired, and I think that's allowed.

I recently had a long conversation with some friends about the meaning of success, and whether you can actually be successful if you don't feel successful, or conversely, if you can be successful even if no one else thinks you're successful, or if you can ever be successful enough in the traditional sense to be happy. Friends were like, "I mean, you're such a whiny crayon, but do you really want to be a turtle and write books and music in obscurity?"

Being a turtle is my goal in life.
But I dunno if I actually do. It just seems like it right now, because I did a bit more than I could realistically manage. I'll get over it.

I might post the pictures I took at the Frankfurt Book Fair, but I already tweeted a bunch of them. Hmm. Also, I heard that Greenwillow/HC has started on DMP's coverrrr! Even though I'm still deep in revisions. This is exciting. :) The book is going into its third iteration right now, and the title still needs to change, and probably a million other things, but the longer I work on it the more I love it and the more I think it will end up being something I'll be really proud of. It should be out in 2016. I hope. :)

Hope everyone's well, bye!!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Book Birthdays! - Wedernochs and Whatnots

Hi! I'm crawling out of class reaaaaaally, really quickly to write this. Today things are happening.

EXCITING things.

Things that are happening today:

- The German edition of The Whatnot comes out in German-speaking lands. It's called Die Wedernoch, which translates roughly to The Neither-Nore.

- The US paperback of The Whatnot is also out in American-speaking lands today. It's been out in hardcover since last September, but now it's all handy and economically-priced and bendable and suitable to be squashed into school backpacks, and I hope you like it! :)

I forgot to flip out the German hardcover's bookmark ribbon, but it STILL HAS A BOOKMARK RIBBON, YOU GUYS.
These things are happening not today, but in general:

- I've been pretty bad at internet-ing recently. If you're waiting for an email response or a phone call or a text message, or if I forget to @reply on twitter, or if I promised to do something for you and have not yet, I'M REALLY SORRY. It's not on purpose, and I'm quite busy right now, and school is getting real, but I will catch up eventually, I promise!

- I've gotten several emails about this, and I haven't updated my website in ages (I'll be putting up a FAQ sometime soon, though, haha! who's the quickest? I am), but I thought I'd put it here first:

I'm currently working on a book that sold to Greenwillow/HarperCollins back in 2013, and it's not coming out in 2015 as originally planned, because the book is complicated and crazy and not ready yet. But 2016 it will be released, if all goes well! It's been much harder to write than these last two, but not really in a bad way, if that makes sense? Like, I don't feel particularly stressed about how hard it's been to write, which is probably mostly due to my agent and editor being awesome and patient. I've been rewriting vast portions of it, sometimes several times, and will probably rewrite vast portions a few more times, and it's just not really anything like the last two books I wrote, but I'm very, verrrrry excited about it. So, 2016! It will be here!

- I promised more pictures from the Tokyo trip, but mayhap everyone is bored of my Tokyo pictures, so unless you tell me you want to see more, my next post will be about all the terrible movies my siblings and I watched over and over again as kids. Ja.

Hope every one's well. :) Bye!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Appearances - Fall/Winter 2014

Summer vacation, WHY YOU GO SO QUICKLY? 

I'm frantically writing and will probably be super busy for the next two weeks, so here's this before I forget:

On September 24th, the German edition of The Whatnot goes out into the world in its sharp blue suit, and I'll be doing stuff like going to the Frankfurt Book Fair, which should be exciting because it's apparently massive and I have not been to Frankfurt in ages. I'll be reading and jabbering and trying not to fail at speaking the German language so if any of these appearances are in the vicinity of you and you want to come I'd love to meet you! :)

Here are the ones I have so far. I'll try to keep it updated:
In other news, The Cabinet of Curiosities: 36 Tales Brief and Sinister is getting many lovely reviews, so thank you so, so much, reviewers. It now has two starred reviews from Publishers Weekly and Kirkus, and very kind reviews from Booklist, Shelf Awareness, and Horn Book Review.

And so that this blog post isn't completely tiresome, here's some MUZAK.

Current writing soundtrack:

It goes well with all the desperate running and screaming I'm writing about.

Current song that's being played too often on my iPod:

It goes well with that person who was done in by wingéd seraphs and put in a sepulcher by the sea.

(Also, it makes me think someone should write an Edgar Allan Poe opera. How cool would that be? Very cool.)

Bye! :) 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014



Ugh, I tell you.
So, because I'm actually dumb, I overwrote most of my Tokyo pictures, and now there will probably be no Tokyo Food post and no Tokyo Gardens post and no Weird-Tokyo-Shop-Names post (which there was totally going to be.)


I'll probably do one more Tokyo post with my mom's pictures, but right now I'm busy trying to revise a book and not forget what music is before university starts again, so here's a Dubai post in the meantime.

They're like those little emergency balloons from The Hunger Games, drifting down to SAVE the desperate, weary shoppers.
I did not love Dubai. I'm not sure that's entirely Dubai's fault, but it's at least partially Dubai's fault, and I feel like the problem with traveling to other big cities after Tokyo is that they seem dull and quiet in comparison.

Dubai: quiet. Also, dull.

Seattle: small.

San Francisco: Ok, but not Tokyo. . .

And obviously that's super unfair, especially to Dubai, because a) it was Ramadan and everything was closed all day, and b) one can't walk outside or one will die of heat. So I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and say that if you are there when it's cooler and things are open it's no doubt a RIOT.

But when I was there it was mildly creepy and fake and empty.

A deserted, air-conditioned street at Mall of the Emirates.
I liked it at first. I got off the plane, wandered through the snazzy airport, had a mini heart-attack at customs (I mean, if Canadians have qualms about letting me visit their country I don't even want to think about what middle eastern opinions are of Americans), passed through without incident (I would have arrested me on the sheer amount of nervousness on display, but they were busy upending an Australian lady's make-up kit, so BYE), saw this from the taxi car:

This picture is from my hotel room balcony, but I saw it from the car too. Was super impressed. The Burj Khalifa is the tallest building in the world at over 800 meters.
The architecture in the city center is amazing. The Burj Khalifa is tall. All the aquariums and malls and fountains are cool to see for about three seconds. And then you get the feeling there's not much beyond any of that. The city is allllll calculated glitz, and I KNOW, CAT AND BRIONY, you warned me of this, but I was sure it would be cool since it's a new culture.

I felt like they toned down their own culture a lot in favor of calculated glitz, though. Tokyo is quite sleek, too, in places, but it's also very Japanese. Skyscrapers are interspersed with random tiny wooden houses and grimy railroad underpass restaurants and bright red shrines, and you have the feeling there's tons of layers and tons of history under all the glass and sparkle. In Dubai not so much.

This was a large indoor ski-slope at Mall of the Emirates. Shop till you DROP OFF A SNOWY CLIFF.

The feeling I got from wandering around was that some kid was like, "SIM CITY TIME" in the middle of the desert and a few years later there was Dubai.

In case it seems like I'm being super harsh and whiny, there are things I DID like. I found a Reese's store for one:

Rees'esssss! :D
I also found my books at the Kinokuniya at Dubai Mall, and the saleslady was like "NO PICTURES" but you can see below how wickedly wayward I was. Also, thank you, HC, for having such an awesome international sales division!!

The plan was to sneakily turn them face-out if I found them, but they already werrrrrre. I was happy.
AUTHENTIC ARCHITECTURE, maybe, I think, I don't know.
The service was excelent, but the speling needs wrk.
Massive candy store.
This was a poster on the wall of the massive candy store, and is an accurate representation of what my brain is thinking when visiting massive candy stores.
Gallon-sized strawberry syrup bottles 
So many nerds.
Dat waterfall, though.
Room service. The chicken burger was a little bit icky, but those onion rings were pretty much deep-fried, coronary-thrombosis-inducing bits of amazing.
Huge aquarium. It had stingrays and sharks in it.
And a massive guppy fish that looks like it's plotting something against the lady at the desk.
After Dubai I flew to Seattle on a super-super-long-haul flight, then to San Francisco, got in a Taxi, drove on the freeway, saw this fellow dancing on a bridge while holding a red cardboard heart:

There are worse things to do with one's life than dancing on bridges while holding red cardboard hearts.
So that was Dubai! I'll do a short San Francisco post next. Hope everyone's having a good summer!

Bye. :)

Thursday, July 10, 2014


I'm IN TOKYO. Like, right now. How is that even what I don't know <----incoherent gibbering

I've already been here for nine days and we're flying out tomorrow, so today is my last full day in Tokyo and it's very sad.

As sad as this Stitch at the Shibuya Disney store who seems to have eaten a non-degistable bear? Sadder.
Because I only have one more day, this is going to be a super short post, and I'll post more later.

My flight from Vancouver to Tokyo was in the teeniest, tiniest Japan Airways seat, and I spent the entire 10 hours trying to stretch my legs into the aisle without getting them chopped off by the drink carts. THE AGONY. The Japanese people next to me had plenty of space and were sitting on their knees and putting their feet up on the backs of the seats in front of them like they were at home on a sofa, and I was maaaashed and it hurrrrteeeeed. They were probably like "Why is that big monkey person not fitting in his seat and constantly moving around" YEAH WELL SORRY.

At Narita I was picked up by a car and a snazzy person in a black suit, and my mom flew in from Dubai late that evening, and we met at the hotel, and the next day our adventures began.

Stefan, adventuring.
Here are bunches of random pictures and observations before I run off.

- People in Tokyo are so nice. I'm sure that's a generalization and there are mean people, too, but I haven't met any of them and when walking around a city of 14 million people I feel like that's a fairly massive accomplishment. The general atmosphere when you talk to someone is utmost politeness and helpfulness, and if you look suitably lost and forlorn there's a good chance someone will stop and ask you your troubles.

I did a signing at Kinokuniya Bookstore one of the days, and everyone there was THE NICEST, so shout-out to them, and thanks again so much for having me! Mona, the lady right next to me, is the foreign book buyer there and patiently answered all of my questions about Japanese culture and was generally awesome. Thanks, Mona!! :)

The man to my left is the bookstore boss. He gave me a guide to Tokyo as a gift.
Also, this picture was taken toward the end of the signing, and we sold all
the copies of The Peculiar they had, so thank you everyone for coming!
- Japan is way more modern that most countries in a lot of ways, but flip phones and fax machines are still things here.

- Grape flavored sweets. Everywhere. I love it. That fake, chemical, nasty, awful grape flavor is one of my favorite things ever, but in Tokyo grape things here actually taste like grape. Iz crazy.

Healthy choices.
- Umbrellas. All the time. Rain or shine.

Ew, sunshine, get it off.
- Slurping is allowed. If you don't slurp your soup, it means you don't like it very much.

Me learning to drink soup properly. I couldn't bring myself to slurp, but LOOK AT THOSE EXPERTLY HELD CHOPSTICKS.
- Most of Tokyo seems to be a giant shopping mall. Seriously so many shopping malls. And Gucci stores. Probably one Gucci store per capita, because who wants to share a Gucci store.

- It seems very bright all the time, even when it's cloudy. I think it's because of all the glass from the skyscrapers reflecting the light. If you go to Tokyo, take sunglasses.

- There are little cars:

And big gravestones:

- Tokyo's not really one city. It's six or seven cities that are really, really close together and connected by a super efficient subway system, and all the mini-cities we've been to have similiar lights and sounds, but really different atmospheres.

- There are more restaurants in Tokyo than any other city in the world, and the food is amazinnnnng. I'm going to do a whole post about the food, and I apologize in advance if that is uninteresting to you.

I really need to go now, ahhh. By time I post again I'll probably be in Dubai, and apparently it's over 40 degrees centigrade there (100F) which means if I went outside I would instantly fall to the ground and burn and claw my way back to safety. In other words, I will have lots of time to write blog posts, and reviiiiise. I've been revising busily on DMP and deleting vast swaths like "AHAHAHA" and then crying because my editor and agent had to read that garbage. More soon! Bye! :)

Vermilion-lacquered bridge at the Koishikawa Korakuen Gardens.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Vancouver Nonsense

So, I'm in Tokyo right now and I LOVE IT SO MUCH, but I'm posting this Vancouver post now because I thought I should be a safe distance from Canadian immigrations when I do.

Just kidding. But seriously.

I took my little puddle-jumper flight from Oregon to Vancouver, and all was well, and then I got to immigration at Vancouver airport. . .


The customs lady asked me where I was from and what I was doing in Canada, and I was like, "Just going to look around the city a bit," and she was like:

"You look around ze city? What is zis tomfoolery."
And then she scrawled red all over my card and handed me off to immigration police.

Um, excuse you? What part of that was suspicious. It's called tourism. You go to a random city, you look around it, and then you leave. I even showed her my connecting flight info to Tokyo so she wouldn't think I was going to run away to the badlands and put down roots and become an illegal Canadian bush-tracker or whatever people do there.

Clearly I looked like I was all about becoming a Canadian bush-tracker, though, because I was herded into this icky back room and was told to wait in line with about twenty other people who all looked very confused or frightened or drug-smuggler-y.

And then I waited. And these immigration people are the slowest everrrrr. Partly because of the people they had to talk to. Here is a selection of the exchanges I eavesdropped on for your reading pleasure:

Exchange 1

Customs Lady: "You have meat in your suitcase. Like, nasty raw meat in vacuum packaging. This is illegal."

Meatpacking Lady: "Oh."

Exchange 2

Customs Dude: "So, you'll be able to go to your sister's wedding. . . "

Everyone eavesdropping:


". . . and then someone will be there to arrest you."

Exchange 3

Customs Lady: "Sooooo, you don't actually HAVE a visa, and your application for studying here was denied, but you came anyway?"

Taiwanese girls: *nod excitedly*

Customs Lady: "D'you understand why this is a problem?"

Taiwanese girls: *nod excitedly*

Customs Lady: "We're going to have to send you home."

Taiwanese girls: *nod excitedly*

Exchange 4

Customs Lady: "How much money do you make each year."

Lady-with-Big-Hair: "Excuse me? What is this about?"

Customs Lady: "Are you going to answer the question, ma'am? Answer the question! I'm allowed to ask you whatever I want. Answer the questionnnnn!!!"

(Uh, maybe don't let the immense power of being a tourist checker at the Vancouver airport go to your head.)

Exchange 5

Customs Dude: "Why are you in Canada?"

Lady: "Ummmmm. Uhhhh. Hahahaha!"

Customs Dude: "But why?"

Lady: "Oh, you know, hahahaha, giggle."

Customs Dude: "You are making me very angry. See these confused and/or drug-smuggler-y people in that line? You're making them angry, too."

Lady: "I know, yeah, sorry, sorry, what was the question?"

CD: "Whyyyyyy are you herrrrrrreeeeeeeee?"

Lady: "Ohhhhh, hahaha, lolololol."

CD: "Ok, I'm leaving until you can give me a straight answer."

Lady: "K lulz."

Everyone in line: "NO PLEASE COME BACK!"

CD: *returns half an hour later* "Are you ready to talk to me?"

Lady: "Yes. I'm going to Yellowstone National Park. On a bus."

(Why could you not have said this half an hour ago? It is a mystery.)

CD: "Yellowstone, huh? Are you traveling alone? Is someone picking you up outside the airport?"

Lady: "Yeah. His name's John."

CD: "John who?"

Lady: "Actually Bob."

CD: "What?"

Lady: "I'm being picked up by Bob."

CD: "Bob who?"

Lady: "Ummmmm, uhhh, just Bob- "


Lady: "La-di-da." *fiddles with phone*

*repeat ad nauseam for another half hour*

CD: "Ok, you can go." *stamps passport*

Lady: "Huzzah!"

And then it was ten other people's turn.

I had a book with me, and it was a really trashy crime thriller that I subsequently actually trashed, and the immigration police people were like, "What is that kid doing READING BOOKS IN SCARY ROOM FULL OF POLICE OFFICERS THIS IS AGAINST THE RULES OF INTIMIDATION" because everyone else was nervously twiddling their thumbs.

I was terrified, too, because what if I were actually a criminal and just never realized? but books are very comforting, even trashy crime thrillers, and I highly recommend having one with you for emergencies.

Eventually it was my turn and they asked me all the same questions Miss Suspicious asked at the customs desk, and then they went and phoned someone.

CD: "Ok, follow me."

Me: I will die now. They take me to be executed on grounds of visiting Vancouver without a particularly pressing reason.

Customs Dude took me to a door that said exit.

Me: "Are you kidding?"

CD: "I am not. Bye."

And then I left, and I hated all of their guts for about ten minutes while I found a taxi.

So much gut-hating going on.
Because seriously what was up with thaaaaat? The only other people in that room were obviously foreign ones, which is something called racial profiling if I'm not mistaken, and I'm wondering if maybe she pulled me out because I said I lived in Switzerland; but the thing is I speak fairly regular bubblegum American, and my passport is a standard US one, and so WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

Whatever. It was an experience. And I thought it was interesting to see how people only follow laws if a) it's convenient for them and doesn't interfere with their plans, or b) the penalties are suitably scary. Also, c) if they're actually aware of the laws, which is not a given because some people make up laws like it's THEIR JOB, resulting in quite a lot of laws that no one has any clue even exist.

So meatpacking lady was probably like "Uh, hello, I want nasty vacuum packed meat in my suitcase, so off I go," and she did, and I have no doubt that many, many people run through security with all sorts of junk, and customs pick out the stereotypes and act like it proves a point when really it just proves that people are human and prone to doing whatever suits them.

So. I hope they were super disappointed that I was just a silly book-reading tourist and it wasn't an elaborate cover up for my sinister Swiss ways.

I escaped the airport and the rest was great, and I really don't want to imply that I think less of Canada for this experience, because everyone I met *outside* of the airport was really polite and friendly and all-round-jolly-good. Vancouver was nice, and there were cruise-ships, and my hotel had curtains that open and close via button-pushing, so I was well-entertained.

Tokyo in a different post. Byeee! :)

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Signing in Tokyo!

 Guess what. . . .

I'm doing a signing in Tokyo.


Haaaaha, one day I'll stop using gifs for absolutely everything.

I'm going to be at Kinokuniya bookstore in the Shinjuku district of Tokyo on JULY 5TH, 2014 starting 2:00PM, to sign books and chat, and I'm not sure anyone will come, because who in Tokyo is going to have any idea who I am, but I'm super excited REGARDLESS. :D

Thank you, Kinokuniya for inviting me!

Also, if you're in Tokyo, or know anyone in Tokyo, or can spread the word to anyone in the vicinity of Tokyo that would be so, so cool of you and we would be friends forever.

Here's the bookstore's page for the event.

Friday, June 20, 2014

German Covers vs. US Covers

This is just a super quick post, because I got to see the German cover for The Whatnot, and now I have both covers, and they're so kewwwwwl, and so I have to show everyone ever. Also, I thought it was fun to see how different they are from the US covers. The German covers are basically THE most deconstructed, scaled-back version of the US ones as possible, and the US ones are awesome and bright and busy, and the German ones are like... the elegant skeletons of those. Behold:

I'm pretty sure the US covers are more instantly appealing, but the jpegs don't really do the German ones justice. The German editions have bookmark ribbons and that vaguely noirish, 1920's font that is my favorite thing, and also end-papers. I totally buy books based on whether or not they have end-papers.

Annnnnyway. That's all I have. I'm flying away on Monday, and also The Cabinet of Curiosities got a lovely review from Shelf Awareness, and also we're reading our own short stories aloud in podcast form which you can listen to here. Katherine and Claire read their stories like BOSSES. I sound like a bumblebee. I hope you like them! :)

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Summer Travel (aka, around the world in 30 days)

Dubai being all sparkly and light-y.

Remember this post from last year when I said I really-really-reaaaaally wanted to go to Tokyo, but probably wouldn't because it's faraway and who just randomly goes to Tokyo?

I'm going.

Like, in real life. I'm so excited. Let me explain:

- I'm flying from Zürich to Portland.

This has been planned for a while. We have family friends in Oregon, and Little Brother goes to visit them every summer. He can't travel alone. I lurrrrv travelling. So I was like:

- I'm flying from Portland to Tokyo.

This was not planned at all. After dropping off Little Brother in Portland I'm flying to Vancouver and then to Tokyo. Why I'm flying to Tokyo is a little bit of a long story, but my Mom is going to be in Tokyo and I have never been to Tokyo, so I was like:

The struggle is so real.
- I'm flying from Tokyo to Dubai.

This was planned even less than the not-planned thing. I need to fly back to the US at some point to pick up Little Brother and cart him home to Zürich, and because of logic it's cheaper to fly via Dubai to the US than, ya know, traveling 10,000km less and just flying across the Pacific.

So I was like:

Which means I'm going to Dubaiiiii, you guysss, ahhhh! :D I have friends who have been to Dubai, and they said it was boring and hot and like Las Vegas except you have to wear clothes, and they also said there was nothing to do but shop and eat. And since I'm there during Ramadan, shops and eateries will only open after sundown, so amma just gonna write likeh crazy.

And then I'm flying from Dubai to the US. And then I'm flying back to Switzerland.

I'm literally flying all the way around the world. I hope that makes for one or two good blog posts. I'm a bit tempted to start an Instagram or Tumblr, though, because I feel like blogger is dead. But I dunno. Should I? Do you like Tumblr or Instagram? Or should I just stick with blogger?