Monday, December 31, 2012

Grumpy Post

Our TREE. My Mom is one of those snazzy people who decorates her tree differently every year. Note all the dead reindeer and people hanging in the branches. Snazzeh.

So. Guess from whence shiny halls I was just released. . .



"Lunatic asylum."



NO, gah, the hospital.

Now surely you're like, "You were at the HOSPITAL? Were you sick? Did you die? Is that why you've been conspicuously absent from social media these past few weeks? Is that why you haven't been answering my texts, and why you cancelled that interview, and why you're behind in revisions, and why you twitter-snubbed me last Wednesday, and why you didn't come eat holiday-inspired cupcakes with us even though you PROMISED to eat holiday-inspired cupcakes with us?"

Yeah, that would probably be why. And I know, it's lame. It's so lame it makes me mad. Usually when I get behind in things, or find myself unable to do the things I know I need to be doing I'll just be all, "STOP BEING A LAZY DAISY, STEFAN" *cracks whip*

But this time when I tried it, it just went like. . .

*dramatic faint*
So yeah. I had a ton of stuff going on. I got sick. They shipped me off to Hospital. I lay in a state of delirium for several days and listened to the jabberings of the other invalids (Ohhh, those invalids. They are going to be put into books. Poor, unsuspecting invalids.)


I don't like being sick. I don't particularly like hospitals. I don't like having tubes stuck into my arms. Like seriously, how gross is that. IVs are disgusting. And I'm not sure I like doctors either.

Doctor: *shakes Stefan's hand*
Stefan: "I have the PLAGUE. I'm pretty sure it's the bubonic kind. You'll probably die now, too."
Doctor: *ignores Stefan*
Stefan:  "Or it might be faeries. Whadaya gonna do if it's faeries, huh?"
Doctor: ??

So narrow-minded.

I also got an ultrasound. From the pictures I'm guessing my child will weigh 242,000 tonnes and will feature a general store and a saloon and approximately 700 cacti.


You probably didn't think that was funny, but I did, so there. And just FYI, they do ultrasounds for other things than babies. Ya know, things like THE PLAGUE.

I also grew a beard out of sheer laziness. It's pretty impressive. Oh wait, no it's not. It looks my face is moldy.


Well, that was cheery! :D Seriously, though, happy New Years to you, and I hope you had an awesome Christmas, and yeah. *shuffles back to bed*


  1. I'm so sorry that you were sick but glad you are better. Why do people always get sick at Christmas??

    It sounds like they took an ultrasound picture of your brother's lego creation but I don't know why they would do that.

    I definitely don't like doctors either but I probably wouldn't talk to one about fairies.

    Happy new year to you!

    1. Um, I didn't actually talk to the doctor about faeries, I basically lay there like a slab of meat. But HAD I been non-delirious... ;)

      You too! Like, the whole family!!

  2. If those are real candles on your tree, then your mom is somewhat awesome and terrifying with the whole bringing fire into the house thing.

    I hope you feel better, soon. I hear the plague tends to taper off rather rapidly after one is over the holidays. I've had those unfun ultrasounds, only mine ended with horrible injections of irradiated isotopes that I'm fairy certain will turn me green and very tall at some point in my life.

    (Also, now I will always picture you with a moldy cheese beard when I read your posts.)

    1. They *are* real candles. Our family is very intrepid, especially since the house is like ancient and all wood-paneled inside.


      And thank you! :) I think I'm getting better. Also, being green and very tall sounds not so bad. I mean, what's wrong with being green?

      Lastly, the moldy cheese beard is gone. I had to go out in public, you see...

  3. OMG Stefan, what an ordeal! How awful for you, I'm so sorry. Get well soon...and I for one can't wait to read how those invalid jabberings morph through your pen into some ghastly, horrid, compelling character that I won't be able to put down. At least, the book he/she/it ends up in, not the know what I mean.

    Seriously though, I hope you're on your feet again before you can say Bartholomew Kettle. And Happy New Year!

    1. But I'm ok now mostly, thanks! :) Also, haaaaa. I hope the invalids turn into something interesting and ghastly. We shall see.

      And thank you!!! I hope you have an awesome debut year. :D

  4. The hospital is a terrible place. I just escaped myself. They put me on magnesium, all the while warning "this stuff will make you feel really, really terrible, but we will put it in your bloodstream anyway!" At least I DID get a baby out of it--hopefully you got some sort of wellness, and maybe some inspiration, too. Happy new year!

    1. Oh, I'm sorry about the hospitals and magnesium and stuff. But congrats on the baby!!! :D

  5. Sorry to hear that you were sick.
    Hospitals are horrid, besides there stark white walls, and sounds of sick patients, the lack of creativity that surround the day to day procedures makes me's so...robotic.

    At least you have an imagination :)
    I hope that you're better now!!! :D

    1. Oh, I know, I got NOTHING done. It was awful.

      And thanks!! Doing much better. :)

  6. I'm sorry that you were sick, especially during the holidays!

    I got The Peculiar as a christmas gift and I couldn't put it away once I started reading it! It's a great story and it's very thrilling. I'm very much looking forward to The Whatnot.
    I also enjoyed listening to the music you composed for the book. Will there be more or can I buy it somewhere?

    By the way, I'm from Switzerland too (so please excuse the linguistic errors). I love fantasy novels and I'm very happy that there is finally a swiss fantasy author.

    Happy new year to you!

    1. Thanks so much! :D I'm super glad you enjoyed the book. And no worries, your grammar was better than mine in the above post. Just had to correct three mistakes... ;)

      I think there's more music on the publisher's website for the book, which I *think* is, but not positive. It is free, though!

      And thank you, you too!

    2. Hey stefan,
      not to be like a staker or a creep but I found this and went *ohh... coolio*
      so i decided to check it out. :D I haven't emailed in a while cause my phone bill has been way to high so i had to turn off wifi and cell stuff and stuff like that and i've been So busy with homework! Ugh! :( Anyway, this is possibly the creepiest and most stalkish question i've ever asked but, do you have a phone? I mean like phone number/cell? I won't like stalk text you but sometimes I'm to lazy to email or i have to wait for a couple of days/week for a reply. My number is: 1231-838-6553. PLEASE no one text me that I DON'T KNOW! My phone bill is high so I can't tex a lot and I can't text strangers. To wrap things up, If you can (I hope) text me or something and I hope you find your skype!
      -Isaac Wittenberg

  7. Welcome back, Plague Boy! Hope you're on the mend and enjoying a fab new year.

    1. I'm totally on the mend. THE PLAGUE HAS LEFT. And thank you, you, hope you have great 2013 as well!! :)

  8. I'm sorry to hear you were sick. Being sick in general is awful but the fact you had to go to the hospital for much more serious care is a real downer. (Tho I do remember being in Zurich and thinking to myself that you guys have decent health care so I wouldn't MIND going here to the hospital.... LOL !!!!) I hope you are feeling better and thinking of you. Love your mum's tree! Merry belated Christmas :) xo